Pgh Custody Lawyer
5 Tips for Parents Who Share Custody
Parents who share custody of their children must learn to communicate effectively without engaging in destructive, unproductive arguments. Below are five tips for promoting effective communication:
- Non-threatening communication is most effective: People feel accused and respond defensively when they are attacked verbally with the work “You.” Avoid beginning your sentences with “You” and try to use “I” or “We” whenever possible. Using “I” and “We” reflects feelings or attitudes about something and does not evoke a defensive response.
- Limit communications to child-related issues: Pay attention to your non-verbal communications. More than half of communication is conveyed through facial expressions and almost 40 percent through the tone of your voice.
- Try to decide ahead of time that you will not engage or participate in destructive communication: This is extremely difficult and may even seem a bit strained at first. Remember: It is your choice to stay in control. Problems cannot be resolved unless communication works constructively in the family partnership.
- Pay attention and avoid parallel communication: Have you ever started a sentence and realized that the other person was not listening, but rather looking as if he or she was preparing to respond? Suddenly, the person begins talking and you continue trying to finish your part of the conversation. Both of you continue to communicate in a parallel manner, no one is heard and nothing is resolved. Parallel lines never come together and nothing ever changes with parallel communication.
- Learn to listen to the other party: How we communicate and learn to negotiate our differences is the number one issue in the success or failure of any relationship – business, personal, or otherwise. Good communication gives us a means to express our thoughts, feelings, needs, and concerns. As human beings, we all want to know that someone is listening to us while we are talking. Effective listening validates the words of the communicator. When you know that people are listening to you, most likely you will want to make a conscious effort to listen to them.
Spivak Law Firm provides strong, compassionate representation in all family law matters, including: divorce, child custody, child support, spousal support, and Protection From Abuse (PFA). To speak with an experienced family law attorney, call (412) 344-4900 or toll free at (800) 545-9390.
How Family Partnerships Benefit Children
You may not like the other parent, you may not trust or respect the other parent, but you should learn to work with him or her for your children.
It is easy to blame the other parent for anything that has gone wrong; you may even wish the other parent would disappear. Parenting, however, is about you, the other parent, and families learning to work in a business-like, cooperative relationship.
Good family agreements allow you to set rules about working together. Every successful business needs to have a good business plan with specific goals.
A family partnership is a limited partnership or business consisting of two parents or other family members. The goal of this partnership is to nurture relationships.
Sometimes businesses must continue to operate under difficult circumstances. Feelings do not enter into professional business negotiations. Polite, courteous, and unemotional communication is most effective.
Children need a working, respectful, and cooperative relationship between their parents and families. Although your adult relationship may no longer exist with the other parent, your family partnership will last forever.
To speak with an experienced family law attorney, call Spivak Law Firm at (412) 344-4900 or toll free at (800) 545-9390.
A Brief History of Child Custody
In child custody cases today, both parents increasingly enjoy significant amounts of parenting time. Recent studies show that child custody norms are changing significantly in the 21st century, with the proportion of parents sharing custody rising dramatically.
Historically, shared custody was never the norm.
In colonial times, American Courts followed the English common law rule that upon divorce the father retained custody of the children. Fathers had the right to the physical custody, labor and earnings of their children in exchange for supporting, educating, and training them to earn their livelihoods. At that time, mothers did not have legally enforceable parental rights.
This bias toward men flipped in the early 20th century with two cultural transformations: the industrial revolution’s remaking men into marketplace wage earners and the emergence of women as domestic caregivers. Under the “tender years” doctrine, custody of young children was almost exclusively awarded to mothers upon divorce.
Mounting divorce rates in the 1960s and ensuing decades provoked a lively debate about parental roles and custody issues. The movement for gender equality, along with the rise of fathers’ rights groups, called attention to the importance of both parents in the care of children.
In most states today, including Pennsylvania, the standard for deciding custody cases is based on the best interests of the child. This standard opens up the possibility of excessive judicial discretion as well as a threat of inconsistent rulings, resulting in hotly contested custody battles.
But it has also led to the rise of shared custody orders, as judges increasingly follow the recommendations of family psychologists who espouse the benefits to children who have equal time with both parents.
To schedule a free consultation with an experienced child custody attorney, call Spivak Law Firm at (412) 344-4900 or toll free at (800) 545-9390.
Tips for Discussing Your Child’s Weekend Away
Whether or not you like your former spouse and whether or not you agree with his or her parenting style, there is not much you can do about what occurs at the other home. Children are generally entitled to spend time with both parents.
Your task is to send them off in the same way you would if you were sending them anywhere else where you wanted them to have a good time while they’re away from you, such as camp or school. Family counselors recommend the following transition tips on discussing your children’s weekend spent away at the other parent’s home:
- Ask your children how their weekend was. To not ask about what goes on when they are apart from you would send the wrong message. Your child might think that you are not interested, or that you can’t stand to hear about them enjoying time with the other parent.
- The motivation for asking about the weekend should be to serve the child’s needs, not to have your curiosity satisfied.
- When children sense that they are being used as spies to report on what is going on in the other home, or when you react to the news with frowns, raised eyebrows, or sarcastic comments, the kids sense that you are not genuinely interested in sharing their lives with them as much as you are about getting some gossip about the other family.
To speak with an experienced Pittsburgh child custody lawyer, call Spivak Law Firm at (412) 344-4900 or toll free at (800) 545-9390.
Phone Rules for Parents Who Share Custody
There are no specific rules on how to maintain contact with your children when they are with the other parent. It depends on the age of the child, the relationship the child has with the parent, the individual characteristics of the child, and the relationship the parents have with each other. Some children want a phone call and enjoy speaking to the other parent. Other children are not verbally expressive, which makes phone conversations frustrating and difficult. Family therapists recommend abiding by the following phone rules:
- There should be an effort by both parents to allow contact between the child and the other parent, especially if that’s what the child genuinely wants
- The younger the child, the more contact is preferred
- When a parent calls to speak to his or her children, have the children take responsibility for answering the phone or returning the call
- Do not use the phone to intrude on the child’s time with the other parent or to maintain influence over the child when the child is in the other home
- Do not use the phone to have the children spy on the other parent and report all the “bad things” that are going on
- Use the phone in a way that serves the child’s needs, not the parent’s need to continue to influence the child and to interfere with the child’s relaxation and enjoyment of time in the other parent’s house
To speak with an experienced Allegheny County family law attorney, call Spivak Law Firm at (412) 344-4900 or toll free at (800) 545-9390.
Allegheny County Increases Custody Filing Fees
Seeking custody of your children isn’t cheap.
Earlier this year, fees associated with filing a custody action increased dramatically. For instance, the fee for filing an initial custody complaint soared from $232.50 to $325. The fee for filing a divorce complaint with a custody count jumped from $271 to $363.50. The fee for filing a petition for custody modification swelled from $200 to $250, and the fee for filing a custody complaint after a divorce action has been filed spiked from $108.50 to $220.50. Additionally a new fee of $200 will be assessed for reinstating a custody action.
In Allegheny County, all fees for custody actions are collected by the Department of Court Records on the first floor of the City County Building, 414 Grant Street, Pittsburgh, PA 15219. In some cases involving low-income parties, custody filing fees may be waived by the Court.
To speak with an experienced Allegheny County family law attorney, call Spivak Law Firm at (412) 344-4900 or toll free at (800) 545-9390.
Child Custody in Allegheny County (Part 6 of 7)
In Allegheny County, any person involved in a child custody dispute must enroll in Generations, an alternative dispute resolution program that includes an educational seminar and mediation session. To learn about the educational seminar, please click here. To learn about the mediation session, please click here. To learn about waiving the mediation session due to issues of domestic violence, please click here. To learn about the custody conciliation, please click here. To learn about psychological/home evaluations, please click here.
If you and the other party are unable to come to an agreement at the custody conciliation, you may be ordered to appear at a partial custody hearing. A party requests a partial custody hearing after an unsuccessful conciliation by filing a praecipe at the Child Custody Department.
Cases heard by the Partial Custody Hearing Officer involve matters dealing with partial custody/visitation only. In order to proceed to a partial custody hearing, you must prepare and file a pre-trial statement ten days in advance of the hearing date. The original must be filed with the Department of Court Records, a copy must be served on the other side and opposing counsel if represented, and a copy must be delivered to the Custody Department.
The pre-trial statement shall include the following: a narrative statement of the facts, which will be proven; the current custody schedule; the name of each person whom you intend to call at trial as witnesses, including experts, and a report from each of the listed expert witnesses; a list identifying all of the exhibits, which you plan to offer into evidence; a proposed partial custody schedule and proposed order.
At the time of the hearing, you may bring an attorney if you are represented. The parties may come to an agreement; if not, the Partial Custody Hearing Officer will issue a report, recommendation, and interim order to both parties. If neither party files exceptions within twenty days, the order will become final.
To speak with an experienced Allegheny County child custody attorney, call Spivak Law Firm at (412) 344-4900 or toll free at (800) 545-9390.
Child Custody in Allegheny County (Part 2 of 7)
In Allegheny County, any person involved in a child custody dispute must enroll in Generations, an alternative dispute resolution program that includes an educational seminar and mediation session. To learn about the educational seminar, please click here.
The custody mediation session gives parents an opportunity to meet with a trained mediator to address issues related to meeting their child(ren)’s needs and to finalize a custody arrangement. Neither children nor attorneys participate in the mediation. Parents meet with a mediator for about two hours to discuss approaches to a successful parenting plan.
The goal of mediation is for parents to create their own custody plan, called a Memorandum of Understanding. Mediation is not therapy and does not include legal advice. Rather, the mediation process encourages adults to work together and to be responsible for their own parenting decisions.
Mediation sessions are confidential. The discussions during mediation cannot be recorded or copied. The mediator cannot be required to testify in court. Mediators are often attorneys or mental health professionals with advanced degrees, in addition to having basic and ongoing advanced training in mediation.
To speak with an experienced Allegheny County child custody attorney, call Spivak Law Firm at (412) 344-4900 or toll free at (800) 545-9390.
Child Custody in Allegheny County (Part 1 of 7)
In Allegheny County, any person involved in a child custody dispute must enroll in Generations, an alternative dispute resolution program that includes an educational seminar and mediation session.
The educational seminar, which takes place at Wightman School Community Building in Squirrel Hill, is approximately three hours in length and aims to offer parents the skills to reach their own resolution on custody issues. The seminar addresses several topics, including: building a co-parent relationship; developing ways to communicate and problem-solve; helping children cope effectively with their changing family; and identifying how parent conflict can affect the behavior of children.
The educational seminar is also required for children ages 6 to 15, who are grouped by age so that they can identify and share with other children similar experiences in their families. These groups are facilitated with activities, discussions, art, music and play.
To speak with an experienced Pittsburgh family law attorney, call Spivak Law Firm at (412) 344-4900 or toll free at (800) 545-9390.
Dave Wins PFA Hearing, Seeks Custody of Kids
After 17 years of marriage, Tara decided she wanted a divorce from her husband Dave (not their real names). He suggested marriage counseling, if only for the sake of their teenage children, but Tara refused. “I’m going to destroy you in court,” she snapped at him. One morning, after several days of getting the silent treatment from his wife, Dave lost his cool and slammed the palm of his hand against the kitchen stove. Tara went to the county courthouse and received a temporary Protection From Abuse (PFA) order against her husband.
Later that day, a police officer arrived at their home and handed Dave the restraining order, which stated that he was evicted from his home, effective immediately, and that he could not have any contact whatsoever with his wife or kids until the PFA hearing. Emotionally devastated, Dave scrambled to find a friend or relative to take him in for a few weeks.
Seeking an experienced PFA defense lawyer, Dave retained Spivak Law Firm to represent him. Dave had never been apart from his family for so long. Feeling anxious and estranged, he attended his PFA hearing with a feeling of dread. Tara wanted a three-year PFA, the maximum duration allowed by law. We requested a hearing before the judge.
Tara testified that she and was afraid of Dave, but on cross-examination she admitted that Dave only hit the stove – not her or the children. Tara then testified that she never cheated on Dave, which damaged her credibility when Dave’s attorney produced love letters that she had recently written to another man. In the end, Tara confessed to simply wanting Dave out of the house so she could pursue her new love interest.
After a brief recess to consider all the evidence, the judge denied Tara’s request for a final PFA. Feeling relieved, Dave smiled for the first time in weeks. Dave and his attorney then left the courtroom to discuss their next legal actions: expunging the PFA from his record and filing for shared custody of the children.
Spivak Law Firm has extensive experience defending people against domestic-abuse accusations and asserting child custody rights. To speak with a Pittsburgh family law attorney, call us at (412) 344-4900 or toll free at (800) 545-9390.